As shared on Facebook: LONG post* I AM Divorced...yes I said it out loud. I am so Happy before anyone says "I'm sorry" lol. God is good yall, We were separated for a little over 3 years and during that time I had the chance to experience every emotion made known to humanity. I also had the chance to heal and forgive. Unfortunately, he wasn't ready to be married. And yes I prayed and fasted and forgave and and, but at the end of the day, he woke up one day and said "I'm leaving you because I don't want to hurt you anymore". LiSTEN to me, the best words he ever said because I wouldn't have left at that time because I was hoping for a different outcome. So when I tell my story AND I DON'T tell it OFTEN ANYMORE and I say "he left me" people assume I did something, lol no GOD did something, He chose for me when I could Not choose for myself.
I lost a lot but the main thing I lost was ME . During some of this, I was working for my previous company and they had no idea they became my family, my support system, my laughter and I was their TammyNoWhammies. This gave me life! I had support of course from my immediate family and friends,again #lifegiving for every tear they heard me shed.
One thing I didn't have a lot of was people in the church arena, more specifically couples who were willing to share how to survive an affair, how to, how to how to blah blah blah. I saw couples and saw in the spirit somethings that happened but not one of them was willing to discuss it. Don't get me wrong I get it, no one wants to share "they business", but for me, what happened to the church and leaders being the hospital? I had prophets call me and say God is going to restore your marriage and other prophets call me and say you will get married again. It was so crazy until I reached out to a MOG that I only know on FB to ask a question my own self because God is not the author of confusion. After his counsel, the Lord spoke to me so gently and gave me an answer and peace. So as for me in Ministry as a Pastor, Prophet Apostle etc..I have always been, and will always be transparent because honey hopefully in my failures and flaws somebody will still see Jesus and will do and be even better in any given area.
But what I also realized is that the healing and regaining of Me came in the secret place. Days of crying and wondering and doubting and anger and what ifs. All the stages of Grief hit like a ton of bricks. Then one day in 2018 I was talking about something and made a random statement about recovery and the recovery process to realize mine had truly begun. Since then I've ReGained Me, Learned Me and Love Me unconditionally! I fixed my credit, bought a new car, a house, became self-employed, started a school and of course Ministry which is my first love I'm not angry nor bitter, as he and I were able to be friends.
Yes, I believe in marriage and Love Love and yes I want to get married again one day. But right this moment, I'm enjoying life and all it has to offer, accepting who I am at 50, what I want and don't want, and being % ok with it. Not willing to settle as I am truly a Woman of God and proud of it SO...I have been divorced for a little over a month and decided I want to write a book to help others, help those going through a separation, post-divorce issues and even tidbits spread throughout the book of testimonies from couples who have endured and how they overcame. So if you would like to share please reach out to me. Looking to publish sometime in 2021!!! To God Be the Glory love yall PTB